My Letter to the Christian GOD

Dear God Almighty,

I guess I am without hope. Without faith. Perhaps, I am emotionally annulled?


Not once did I believe, trust, or have confidence that Troy Anthony Davis' worldly life would REMAIN…here on your Earth…within your universe…within your dominion.


My conviction in Man…In Justice faded years ago. I no longer apologize for where I am emotionally and religiously. The guilt is gone…the thrill I once felt when I had faith in your omnipresence is gone. It has taken a permanent sabbatical. The exodus began a few years ago in seminary. I remember the day…the moment.


On that day, my cherished High Point University class ring was stolen while I was in class at divinity school, Howard University. The sterling silver ring with the cross ingrained in the ruby. My mentor, Ronald B. Wilkins, gave it to me as a graduation gift. Do you remember how I valued that symbol of love and accomplishment?


Speaking of remembering…I asked you The Question when my idealism was stolen from me. Stolen by Reality. I was sitting on a platform of huge rocks above the Atlantic Ocean near the infamous Devil’s Bridge. You know that bridge in Antigua where you allowed countless African men and women -who unwillingly became property of barbaric Europeans- to commit suicide instead of facing the devastation of slavery? They perished in the rough ocean waters…drowned…devoured by sharks. You knowingly allowed Africans to be thrown overboard slave ships if they became seasick - but yet slavery still received an adulatory endorsement from you.

Devil’ Bridge, Antigua

The Question:

How & Why should we continue to invest in justice when justice is not given any 'divine assistance’…any 'divine intervention’? I ask because I am of the disheartening belief that you have not forgiven Man for a SINGLE act of waywardness. Perhaps, Adam was hungry? You –in fact- cosigned on the condemnation of the world. No second chance…no Genesis Creation Story grace granted.


Additionally, according to your Word you won the battle between Good and Evil…

The New Testament fables document that you did spare humankind with Jesus’ suicide mission that’s often referred to as a Sacrifice. What came of that sacrifice? The same still remains. That divine plan was doomed before it commenced. Leaving me with the question: God, you have been unbelievably absent in the lives of so-so many.

Was Jesus death in vain?

In my unassuming opinion, you have not fully Shown Yourself as your Believers were led to believe that you would after a passionate prayer…after a passionate petition. We are repeatedly told, ‘Just Pray’…like the pilgrims told the Native Americans to do immediately before killing the Cheroenhaka Indians,

Help your people understand this:

We are trained to believe that Man has a twisted excuse that basically 'covers' us. It resolves you, Father God, of all responsibility. We, with much holy fanfare call it, Freewill. Free to do anything we want. Ironically, God, this concept only applies and only makes sense when a person or persons does/do something destructive. ‘Well, God gave us freewill. Don’t blame God.’ However, when it comes to something good like cancer being removed from a person’s body YOU have/had your hand in that. You are the victor that’s crowned champion when frankly…your involvement cannot be substantially validated. So…you will save a cancer patient while we have freewill to kill each other with your approval, or is this your avoidance? Your retribution?



Does not make any sense - and I cannot sit back and believe with blind allegiance any longer. With silent ignorance. Indeed, I believe you are a mighty Dynamism, but I am concerned that you are highhandedly selective.


We need answers, Lord...WE, the creatures you created with the ability to question and the power to apply reason need ripostes. We don't need a highfalutin sermon preached by a grandiloquent preacher that glorifies YOU. We don’t need to hear from the self-ordained and self-chosen bishops who will only drown us with nonsensical rhetoric…verbal diarrhea…and irritates with a Toastmaster’s demeanor.

I am prepared to vigorously reject another non-seditious Sunday school lesson from the pastor who secretly understands that religion is his/her money-making mechanism to control the minds and hearts of your people. Creflo Prosperity Dollar has thousands of members while the likes of James Cone have only hundreds. We ignore theology, but use olive oil to ‘anoint’…we dance and shout on command and claim we can speak in tongues…but we refuse to read the bible without faith lenses.

All the genuine prayers for Troy Davis unanswered…No one deserves to die like that when questions and doubt lingers. No one. Wait a minute…I forgot freewill governs - and not You.

According to your saints, God, you are dead-to-center-right-on-time when they close on a house that they ultimately cannot furnish. When they purchase an oversize SUV when in fact the only passengers will be hubby and wife - or hubby and his ovulating (not horny) mistress - or wifey’s strapping boy toy. You bless all that?

You provide and make a way for all the morally deficient secularism (Lady Gaga, Lil Wayne, Modern Family, and The Bachelor) – but when a woman is being ganged raped just because she belongs to a rival ethnic group you don't show up…even after she yells your name. God, she is crying for you…she is not in the heat of sexual lust but in frantic terror.

Funny, during that ‘sexual lust’ you appear in orgasmic euphoria for those who are more than likely fornicating or committing infidelity: ‘Oh! God. Oh! God…right there…pull my hair…bite me…spank me. Put it in my…I am cum’in…Oh! God that was gud!

Brain response during an orgasm

The same genocidal rapist (the likes of Eddie Long) continues to rape and spiritually pillage day after day. Kids starve to death day after day. They die from a basic necessity (food) while I glutton myself at Ghetto Burger Café just because I am depressed.


God, you have not made this easy for me. Why? Should I be like your saintly androids; and trust that Your Will is best?


I can't, God. Not anymore.


Show Yourself…answer me…show Your Face. If I am mistaken…in the wrong…I will offer up myself for being totally off base. For being erroneous. I will give up my truth quest...I will trade in my life for Your answers. I will terminate my life like your son did for that one child that may end up nuked in a microwave tonight because the parents have your Will to be Free…a freewill that’s evil from core to surface.


And, please do not present yourself in the typical White Supremacy tool of Hoodwink…you come and not your immaculately born son (sperm and egg produces baby)…and God, there is no need to impress me with the unbelievable…I never have been…who you jiving? - your son did not walk on water.

Take me! Strike me down. Me nah afraid of You...Me afraid of your Christians. They gonna charge me with blasphemy...then set me on fire. I am ready! Take me HOME or take me to the,

Door of Hell

I will walk in bravely…

The Pseudo Preacher



God is Real…to You and Only You

Have you ever secretly wondered why everything you know about God cannot be validated like most other legitimate concepts? With almost everything within the society we live, we are asked to show proof/justify with a conclusion/finalize with a datum. Qualify the substance.
Why has belief in a God been excluded from critical analysis? The only validation we have to believe in a God is with what we have been told...not what has been verified. My preference is to have proof.

Purposely turning a blind eye to the Unexplained could be evidence of an elaborate imagination, strong faith, and a solidified belief which are all powered by what we can form within our brains to appease temporarily; and eventually in the long term. Rendering those of us who believe in a God solaced by insufficient, incomplete and inadequate evidence which ultimately pacifies those who call themselves Saints.

What other choice do you have if you believe in a heaven? No one wants to live in an eternal fire after death. No one wants to believe that their bodies and spirits will be permanently committed to an earth that will eventually become polluted with maggots and other flesh eating creatures.

Therefore, I raise another opinion: Our initial introduction to believing in a God came from the depths of Fear. Fear has no place in crafting a healthy understanding of a God unless one truly does prefer ancient concepts.

Spiritual and religious evolution requires movement from one's initial mindset. Using antediluvian history - and a personal past to formulate conviction has proven to be toxic. Toxicity forms when one does the same thing over and over. Consequently, most ‘church folk’ are insane. They are crazy for what cannot be legitimized.

The depths of their insanity are noted in their ongoing long-suffering reverence, clinging to religious rhetoric and baseless appreciation for a God that does not and has not shown-up for the most reverent and committed of the masses. Or, either this divine Force has revealed God’s face and God’s power in the Believer’s mind's eye (imagination)…this –act of personal God Construction- proves that your God is Real to you exclusively. And the same God may be missing for so many!

Do I believe in a God…YES, I do…I am convinced that God’s newly manufactured design (man) is NOT in control. There has to be something of severe significance among us whether or not we believe this Divineness is chronically absent or acutely involved in our self-created chaotic lives. Inconsequently, I am of the belief that God in many ways has NOT been adequately present in the lives of the morally Devoted or the principled Innocent. I am neither – but just knowing that truth has prompted me to

Turn and walk away from RELIGION.

*To question is not a sign of disbelief…it is a validation of a Freedom Quest. Be Free B4 you die!

The Pseudo Preacher



Sowing the Seeds for Old Lady Duffie

Ultimately, sowing a seed is an act of faith. It is a deliberate deed that’s done to receive something in return. It is an affectionate act that creates a community of empowering hands.

Somewhere in man's written Word –the Bible- there are countless indications that the writer of what we identify as scripture was trying to convince the readers of ancient times that if one sows positively the very essence of a seed will eventually become a Reality. A bountiful harvest, 

However, if I were a manipulating preacher who is addicted to twisting bible verses the above would be my justification for ripping people off. I would be just like the plethora of crooked and shameless ministers who prey on their "flock" when times are good - and when times are extremely bad. Tithes continue to come in abundantly when the economy is going to hell in a hand basket. Go figure!

Times are ill-fated and remarkably suspect when a home-bound 85yr old woman believes that she has been 'divinely' summon by the Holy Ghost to stuff an envelope with money, address it to a location that's hundreds of miles away, then give the loot-filled chicken liver stained envelope to a trusted confidant to drop in the mail. The days of the predicted End Times are certainly lacking moral fortitude! People, including those who give themselves fancy titles such as Apostle and Bishop, are wickedly corrupt and blood-suckers of the vulnerable.

The address that’s hundreds of miles away is always flashing across the television screen when I visit Old Lady Duffie. Of late, I have been at her house every week...just to lend a hand, laugh and listen to her reminisce over a past that I am certain was so much better than the present.

This week was slightly different, like the week before, and the week before that. For the past 5 weeks Old Lady Duffie has requested me to be her mail man. But, something was unusually distinctive about this week. I with curiosity asked Duffie, "What are you sending off every week?" Her response was initially confusing, “Sonny…I am sowing seeds like Apostle asked."

After sixty seconds of listening to Old Lady Duffie explain to me without really telling me that she has been sending money (sowing) off to "help build a nation of saints" I became furious. I contained the rage until I reached my vehicle. Then as I normally do when I get consumed with anger...I threw-up.

To help me manage this persistent fury I am requesting your assistance. I refuse to allow emotionally distorted ministers control my emotions. Juanita is good at generating tears…particularly from distraught females who claim men are the reason for their sickening emotional state.

What should I do with this week’s envelope (I still have the most recent love offering) that according to Old Lady Duffie has 10 twenties in it?

Multiple Choice

A)           Steal the money

B)            Keep it to help Old Lady Duffie - and become an indirect steward of the money using it in  time of need for Old Lady Duffie and her 80yr old sister? (she is always in need of a critical item before the 1st of the month)

C)            Send the money to the Snake in the Pulpit (he has an Alabama address)

D)           Donate it to a charity that specializes in eldercare

If B is your answer, be informed that this selection –in my understanding- will assist and later confirm that a ‘seed has been sown’ when Old Lady Duffie discovers that she does not have to eat canned corn beef, canned turnip greens, or go without purchasing her and her sister’s monthly medications. They can actually live without the pressure of running out before the next set of checks come in the mail. This way I do not have to hear,

"Let’s go to Golden Coral, Sonny! We can eat all we want for breakfast and not have to worry about lunch and dinner. It is costly to eat three meals a day these days.”

I plan to be the Steward of the Money. I plan to be the Initiator of the Blessings. I will help Old Lady Duffie and her sister, Esther, produce what God wants from us: Unconditional Upendo.

Sowing seeds is a faith action. It only works when one believes. It only works when the right elements are in place. This is the only way seeds (faith) will produce (sow). Consequently, we are in control of this process through humanly dedicated and deliberate work, not a magical/mystical/holy entity.

My purposeful act (B) is the ONLY way I believe will be of immediate service to God and God’s people. *I said "God"...not Jesus*

The Pseudo Preacher

To Be a Lightning Bug

In an effort to bring-forth someone’s reality and justify the truth about the many lives that are negatively affected by Living, I must admit and support the Faithfull’s belief about their and my occasional existence: Life Sucks. 

Most people are afraid to verbalize that situational fact knowing full-well that they often wonder why they continue to face life when it causes so much pain. Also, accepting and faithfully understanding that the religious dogma that empathetically states the outcome is

Already Written. 

We live expecting life to get better. We try to be thankful for what life has provided for us - but for some reason when we want something and try to attain whatever it may be life always seems to rock us. Forces us to a Reality that we know/knew would be our fate. 

Consequently, it does not help us in the least when we witness so many people disrespect and throw away life. Actually, throwing life to the trash appears to work better for some. Not caring relieves them of all accountability which morally corrupts the souls of once decent folk. 

Later…much later (the people with evil moral deficiency appear to live longer than the righteous) we haphazardly become fitted for wings. Our very own self made wings. We become freer than we were. Before we arrive to the illusive freedom we struggle and struggle to make sense of it all...then we are prepared to meet what all people will face, Death. But not before we revert back to the divine base: The Apostle’s Creed or some other pious proclamation of belief that prove to be mere words of indoctrination. 

Conversely, quitting on life should not be the prevailing choice in the manifold alternatives that we have. Although, accepting that we should not quit can produce two options: Deal or not Deal. Dealing with the disappointment that life has and is going to produce is living life itself. We are here to deal. To hang tough. The cards dealt are not always fair - but when we are Left to Tell we become winners in such an interesting way. We win with the pain, loss, and the Fear.

*Author of Left To Tell, http://www.lefttotell.com/

Pain is a state of mind. It just is...Life is agonizing and It is another step in our spiritually universal Existence. The prevailing suggestion has always been to Live On…no matter what the circumstances have produced. We are somewhat forced to pretend while being told by the dutiful self righteous, “God is in control. You must accept God’s will.” This commandment leaves many of us living on aimlessly, and recklessly comfortable with what we are and have become. Hastily living because we are told to,

Just be...Be…in your life. Just Be in it! And, in clever contrast the opportunity is in the forefront…on the horizon. Regrettably, never forgetting that those who have it together when you don’t are essentially irresponsibly screaming, ‘Stop with the self pity. Look at the positive.’ But, ignoring the truth: Woe Unto Me is the beginning of a testimony. 

Capture what we can and without hesitation pass on what we have learned. What we have endured. Leave something To Tell with conviction intact. Move forward with living...head held with nose in the air. That way you are looking up. Looking down is surface living. Live in the deep. Deep in the heartache. Then see and believe that the broken heart is there to puzzle back together. This is all we can do...arrange and connect the pieces. Solve the puzzle! 

Peace and Love...lock both in a jar and wait for the It to light up like the bug that continues to light when it is confined. We can be a resilient Lightning Bug. Sadly, we die when we stop spawning light. 

In all our sorrows...you...me are still Illuminating. 

The solution is somewhere within…

The Pseudo Preacher

My Vision as The It...I saw Jesus

I typically will not with complete confidence acknowledge that I have seen a vision or that something has been divinely revealed to me. If it does not conclude with an understandable manifestation…if The It cannot be substantiated by science and/or mathematics - or make any sense whatsoever, I as a rule toss the enigma up as an unusual occurrence. Nonetheless, I must confess that I have been in extraordinary predicaments where logic was absent…

Like the time I almost blew-up myself, my mother, my siblings, and everyone who lived in the building unit in which I lived on James Avenue. Yes…Danny and Carl Little, Jed, Scott Perry, and their parents would have been burnt crispy corpses if The It would not have tapped me on my shoulder right before I was preparing to strike a match inside the annoying housing authority oven.

Marijuana, Wild Irish Rose, and the munchies are bad ingredients for a 14 year old at 2AM. I was weed-hungry so I placed a tray of A and P frozen French fries & Swanson’s frozen fish sticks in the propane powered stove. After realizing that the oven was not baking my breakfast, I remembered that on occasion we have to light the pilot transmittal. There I was with all my upper extremity in the oven with matchbook in hand…but suddenly The It intervened. The It reminded me that the gas had been on for at least 25 minutes. The explosion was diverted…and I ate a bag of pecan sandies instead.

My close encounters with death have been abundant. I want to believe that they are realities within my life because of bad luck. However, with all of my honesty I would be remiss if I labeled the happenstances as random unfortunates. I have not lived a life of safety. The Pseudo Preacher has been foolishly deliberate close to the edge…like the frequent times I decided to have unprotected sex. Yes…did that disclosure surprise you? If it did, it also in all probability helped absorb your guilt. Those among us throw that stone…Judge me with love, I deserve your compassionate judgment – and I need your prolonged patience.

Serenity, tranquility, and calmness are the synonyms of patience that came over me two weeks ago. I was on the renowned Doak Street in Thomasville, North Carolina. And, I decided to capture a moment on my modest Cannon camera. There The It was…it was in projection in my camera as I captured Daniel in the lion’s den. Initially, in amazement I thought the entire night was now a dream. I had to be dreaming…The It was there…I know for sure if I did awake in front of Brown New Calvary Baptist Church - and this remarkable moment was a dream I would need the infamous dream interpreter, Daniel of the Tanakh (Hebrew Bible/Old Testament) to interpret this one.

Brown New Calvary Baptist Church is a pillar in Thomasville. Like many of the churches in my hometown, they are monumental landmarks that symbolize stability - and conflict. What occurs in the confines of the church building e.g. child molestation - during church service is a reflection of the secular world that we live e.g. dependency creation. What we see and bear witness to in the house of the Lord is what we should celebrate – and most importantly revile…condemn…denounce!

Thankfully, church service was hours from beginning on this late Saturday night. What I saw was The It. It was in plain sight on the Calvary wall. The It was the force-fed image of a Jesus.

Similar to the early morning that would have literally rocked the Mr. Robinson and Lois Hunter strong-arm managed New Projects and surely would have devastated Bulldog country, time halted. The allusive King James and European character’s likeness appeared to magically leap forward. He was in my lens. In my Cannon. Then the wind blew, and I had a flash memory of the time I almost drowned in the Caribbean Sea. I saw Peace.

Did you see the non-immaculate Jesus today? If you have repeatedly felt the presence of a docile Savior – and not a Che Guevara Jesus in your church or if you have not gained anything from reverend’s hermeneutic transfers try looking for the non-returning mighty messiah in the picture below. Start searching for this sacrificial lamb to the left of Daniel the Dream Interpreter’s chest. Yes…Daniel’s upper extremity.

Do you see your celebrated savior? It is said that he gave up his doomed life for you, The Believer. Now, find him in your terminal existence. When you secure his face…decipher his Western image say, ‘I will honor The Christ by maintaining my composure in the den. I will ignore the threat of death; and dream during all storms. I will be unorthodox for him.’

Again, I will not validate what cannot be substantiated…use your faith and imagination as Daniel did while he was in the den to authenticate my Vision.

The Pseudo Preacher