I am amazed that I am still here. I am amazed that I can say, ‘God has been so good to me.’ Saying it these days brings guilt. Saying it makes me feel so unworthy. So, for the past three years I have secretively said, ‘God has been so good to me.’ I cannot bring myself to utter that sentence of declaration with honest conviction.
The guilt stems from my memory. Memories and reminders of what I have done and said that has been so unbecoming of a human who prides himself on being a Good Man. I have easily lied, leisurely stolen, randomly cheated, recklessly fornicated, and boldly flirted with death. I have been unendingly wrong on so many occasions. My behavior has mirrored the actions of those who do not have any regard for moral decency. Now, at this point in my life I am prepared to come clean. I guess I am cleansing now as I type this confessional…without providing the details of my ‘sinful’ behavior. That I will not do!
What I will do is stop myself each and every time I slightly think about saying, ‘God has been so good to me.’ If He has been acting in my life He definitely needs to retract all the guidance and favor He has bestowed. I am not worthy. Especially when I think about all the people who have been strictly devoted to God from a Believer and including an Atheist disposition. Confusingly, I have to admit that there are countless human beings that live righteously - by God’s word and commandments – but end up enduring the most horrific lives.
And yet, while walking on a beautiful Saturday morning and enjoying my colorful mood I have the shameless audacity to think, ‘God has been so good to me.’ So selfish. So self centered. So arrogant. So conveniently forgetting of my dirty past. A past that I am partially ashamed of in numerous forms. A past that I am beginning to rectify.
Before we speak the words, ‘God has been so good to me or God has blessed me.’ I would like to challenge each of us to Look Back Over Our Lives with humility. With confession. With resolve. Lord knows I did not do this for years! Including the years I boastfully professed to be a Christian. It was not until I vehemently denounced, rejected, and exposed Christianity that I became aware of my dark shadowy past. Interesting…The cloak of Christianity insulated me. Saved me in the form of fake forgiveness. Blanketed me in the Protectionism of Hypocrisy.
We have to clean up the mess we’ve made without Christianity’s protections i.e. grace. When we do we will begin to look back without shame. Without embarrassment. Without guilt.
Written by the Preacher you will not hear during America’s most segregated hour; 11:00AM Sunday Morning.
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